Custom Painted Nikes

Posted on September 1, 2010
Filed Under Dorky Gifts | Leave a Comment

When I was a kid, the coolest shoes I ever owned were Reebok Rads (mine weren’t pink, but upon inspection and now being a confident adult, I wish they had been). Mine were blue and yellow and I kept them in top condition, until the local Nelson, Jimbo, and Kearney beat me up for them. Who’s laughing now local Nelson, Jimbo, and Kearney? Probably still them.

Well readers, my Reebok Rads — awesome as they were before I took a beating — ain’t got nothing on this guy. This guy’s shoes make my Rads look like a hobo’s recent rejection from the Aldi dumpster.

Daniel Reese paints custom Nikes and you and I should probably get a pair. I imagine it won’t take Nike too long to stop him from doing this, in fact it may happen in five minutes. He’s gifted. Not like Vincent Van Gogh gifted, but good enough to paint shoes well. His site is called Brassmonki, and even if you’re not interested, it’s worth a serious look. Tons of cool, if childish, ideas. Dude’s like the lesser Van Gogh of shoe painting. I guess that makes him the Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec of painting shoes.

Either way, Batman Nikes! (Make your younger brother wear the Robins.) Take that Lamar Odom! Who are you again? Do you play for the Clippers?

Ninjabread Men Cookie Cutters $8

Posted on August 30, 2010
Filed Under Dorky Gifts, ninja gifts | Leave a Comment

The Gingerbread Man was really mischievous. Remember? (I’m talking about the fairy tale, not the punched-up version from Shrek.) I always thought he would come running into my room when I was a child and this scared me.

As the story goes, he escapes some farmers that made him in an oven because they were childless, a classic example of how messed up the fairy tales from that era are. As they give chase, he shouts the taunt, “Run, run as fast as you can! You can’t catch me, I’m the Gingerbread Man!” Eventually a fox catches and eats him. You know why the fox caught him? Because he wasn’t a ninja.

We’ve covered ninjas before at StrangeDeals. They’re badass. No one denies this. So, if you’re ninjaless rather than childless, you should probably hook yourself up with these Ninjabread Men Cookie Cutters. They’re at Perpetual Kid for only $7.99 starting in September. Careful though, after coming out of the oven, they might just take their awesome bamboo blowguns to your unsuspecting neck instead of running away. And don’t expect any fun taunts: ninjas have never once spoken.

Yodeling Pickle $11

Posted on August 24, 2010
Filed Under Uncategorized | Leave a Comment

Yodeling: a strange and often loud aspect of some non-American culture. It’s likely Scandinavian, but our intelligence reports at the StrangeDeals offices are quite raw, so we can’t be sure. We also have a hot report saying it’s Argentinian in nature, though we have no confirmation either way.

Yodeling: we’ve all heard it and somehow it’s pervaded world culture. We all have a sense of it, but couldn’t possibly hope to recreate the highs and lows of its novelty notation. And the yelps, we can’t do those, at least not as responsible people living in our local US cities, townships, and villages.

Yodeling: really? You’ve preserved this portion of your history? Why not the viking funeral? That thing is ultimate! The one where they kick your canoe off the shore and shoot a flaming arrow at your corpse and light the whole boat aflame? Then you go to Valhalla where you get in mead-drinking contests with other vikings! Yeah! Metal! Mastodon!

Yodeling: hopefully no one is doing it. Especially considering they can have it done for them, by a pickle no less! A ridiculous pickle! A Yodeling Pickle! Of course, it’s at Amazon (we all know they’ll sell anything) and it’s only $10.70. So just buy it already: your life will take on new meaning, both spiritually and intellectually, when you own this soon-to-be artifact.

Preserve the yodel!

Folies Bergere Boudoir Stool $75

Posted on August 23, 2010
Filed Under Perverted Gifts | Leave a Comment

It’s a major award!

Shucks, I wouldn’t know that. It looks like a lamp.

What is a lamp, you nincompoop? It’s a major award. I won it!

Damn, hell, you say won it?

Yeah, mind power, Swede, mind power.

One of the best parts of the film A Christmas Story is that it reminds us of how crazy parents are. Yours, mine, strangers’ parents, it doesn’t matter. They’re all of bunch of kooks who win lamps shaped like the legs of French prostitutes and then demand they be displayed in the front window.

Is your mother or father completely nuts? Then get them this Folies Bergere Boudoir Stool from Skymall.com. Just like Ralph’s father, they’ll display it proudly in the billiard room or boudoir for company to admire (I can’t even get a washing machine in my apartment and you’re telling me people still have boudoirs?), then go on to prepare some herring to go with the light sherry they’re having to drink during the pre-dinner Lhasa Apso conversation.

Mr. Parker: It’s a Major Award!
Swede: Shucks, I wouldn’t know that. It looks like a lamp.
Mr. Parker: What is a lamp, you nincompoop? It’s a Major Award. I won it!
Swede: Damn, hell, you say won it?
Mr. Parker: Yeah, mind power, Swede; mind power.

Shower-Shortening Water Pebble $10

Posted on August 20, 2010
Filed Under Political Gag Gifts, green gifts | Leave a Comment

Dave, it’s almost time for your shower to be over.

HAL is actually a derivative of the acronym IBM. See it in the letters? H-I; A-B; L-M. Almost everyone who loves Space Odyssey knows this. But Space Odyssey, for all its groundbreaking work, isn’t actually that fun to watch.

Not like Scorsese’s Casino, where they have that one scene where they use they Use the F-Word 21 Times in Two Minutes (if you aren’t a fan of profanity, please please don’t watch this; StrangeDeals is a family site).

Nonetheless, you’ve probably been looking for an evil little robot to be telling you how to shower. Should I conserve water? “Yes,” says your new little beast, training you properly with a series of progressive lighting. This pebble  shortens its suggested stop time, conditioning you to use water wisely. It’s the Water Pebble! It’s available for only $10 at Uncommon Goods.

Dave, I really think I’m entitled to an answer to that question.

Circum-Scissors $10

Posted on August 19, 2010
Filed Under dangerous gifts | Leave a Comment

L’Chaim! Are you a discount mohel? You should be. Discount mohels make serious bank. They also meet tons of chicks that have recently been pregnant (including Shikshas!), so you know they’re up for it.

Of course I jest. But these scissors seem suitable for about three purposes: accurately cutting paper and cloth, and cutting, uh well, you know, that thing they cut during circumcisions. Whatever the hell that thing is called.

So, as one of the more practical devices we’ve posted in, say, our entire StrangeDeals existence, just go ahead and buy these Circum-Scissors (I made that name up; they went with the oh-so-clever “scissor tape measure”). They’re just $9.98 at Taylor Gifts. Your future clients’ beloved children will thank you for the precision and accuracy.

Pig Snout Mug $15

Posted on August 5, 2010
Filed Under Dorky Gifts, Funny Food Gifts, White Trash Gifts | Leave a Comment

Man I love The Beatles. And who doesn’t, right? Pigs, that’s who. That’s why they wrote that song Piggies and put it on the White Album.

Everywhere there’s lots of piggies
Living piggy lives
You can see them out for dinner
With their piggy wives
Clutching forks and knives to eat their bacon

Now I’m not positive, but I think they’re using pigs as an allegory for something else here, because I don’t think pigs can get married yet. And pigs eating bacon is probably how foot-and-mouth disease started. Though, the Beatles are from England and things can get weird pretty fast over there.

So, if you know anyone who can be a bit piggish, lighten up their sty with this cool Pig Snout Mug. It’s only $14.99 at Perpetual Kid. Or buy one for yourself, bring it to the office, and see how many times you can say “oin-kay” instead of “okay” before you get fired. Over-under is probably like three times (I’ll take the under).

Bottle Opening T-Shirt $20

Posted on July 27, 2010
Filed Under dangerous gifts, drinking gifts | Leave a Comment

Sometimes when you’re at a barbecue or a party, some forigner brings along a sixer of beer that can’t be opened with a conventional twist. Then they’ll say something along the lines of, “Jah! Twist heads are all ze kitsch in ze U, S, and A, no?”

This is because foreigners and their beer and their brewmasters pride themselves on being difficult. Just take one of my favorite Munich beers, Spaten. Their motto is, “das ist der rattan, drink de Spaten,” which my friend had his grandmother who speaks German translate for us. Her response? “Let the rats drink shovels.” Indeed Munich, indeed.

Luckily, the prodigies over at ThinkGeek.com have this Bottle Opening T-Shirt available for $19.99. It’s even got a picture of a certain non-copyright-infringing Futurama robotic lookalike on the front. Just place your bottle cap in the (non-Bender) robot’s hand and snap it off. Das ist gut!

In case you’re bored, watch ThinkGeek’s handy YouTube video starring depressive, non-contributing slackers from their staff demonstrating how to wear this shirt properly (hint: properly involves living in a dirty Williamsburg apartment).

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