Here’s your chance to break the mold. Any parent can boast that their child’s a genius, but what about a MAD GENIUS?! With the Young Mad Scientist Alphabet Blocks, Junior’s first words will be “B is for Bioengineering,” “U is for Underground lair,” “T is for Tentacles,” or my favorite “K is for Potassium.” (If you don’t get that one, your kid probably doesn’t have genius in the cards for him.)

This set of five handmade blocks is now available at ThinkGeek.com for just $39.99 with $5.39 for shipping. Each block has smooth, rounded edges, no harmful dyes or chemicals, and most importantly, hand-carved depictions of what will hopefully be the ‘building blocks’ (again, if you don’t get it…) for your son or daughter’s unethically experimental future.

Well, someone must have been reading my diary because this Tetris Soap Set is now available at Digital Soaps for just $10. This set weighs over eight ounces, is made with a blend of glycerin and olive oil soaps, and is scented with berry fruit fragrance oil. Shipping adds $5. Don’t forget to hum this tune as you clean up.

What else could possibly be said about Sex Panther that wasn’t already by Ron Burgundy and colleague Brian Fantana in the instant-classic Anchorman?

It’s illegal in nine countries…They’ve done studies, you know: 60% of the time it works, every time.

Well, someone went ahead and bottled their own version of the panther, and unlike in the film, this one does not smell like pure gasoline. According to Firebox.com it smells like desire, and they have 1.7 oz. bottles of Sex Panther Cologne on sale for only $34.95 plus $7.95 shipping.

Riding an awfully fine line separating taste from vulgarity, Chia has just released Chia Barack Obama and is only asking $18.99 at Amazon! Because, when all else fails, attach Barack Obama’s name to it and maybe you can cash in on someone else’s wave of popularity one more time. Available with either the pictured “determined” expression or with a “happy” expression, this kit includes the ceramic planter, seed packet for three plantings, convenient plastic drip tray, and instruction sheet. Shipping is free with a $25 purchase.

Show the world that you are a stiff, pencil-pushing, uncreative Windows user with the three most famous keys from the ubiquitous PC keyboard displayed across your couch!

Etsy.com has this CTRL - ALT - DEL Pillow Set on sale for only $55. Shipping adds $10. There’s also an interesting rumor going around: if you whack your kids with these pillows in the correct order, they allegedly restart their homework.

Whether you’re Twittering, reading the gossip rags, rifling through files that aren’t for your eyes, updating your Facebook status with the excruciating minutiae of your life, or looking at something, ahem, more lascivious, you’ll want to pick up the Rear-View Computer Mirror at SpoonSisters.com for just $11.95. This plastic mirror attaches to your computer with velcro and comes in a variety of colors. Shipping adds $6.50.

Save your breath with the Control Your Man and Woman Talking Remote Controls for $19.95. These talking remotes utter spousal faves like “the queen speaketh,” “all right, hand over the credit cards,” and “whoa, ever hear of foreplay?”

Live out your childhood fantasy of transforming a disgusting amphibian into a heroic prince with the Magic Frog to Prince for $4.95. Just drop the frog into cold water and watch as he turns into the wealthy, cool, and aloof man of your dreams.

Rats! Love Rats! While pestilence is a supposed sign of the impending apocalypse, it’s hard to turn away from these pictured precious vermin, priced at just $4.95 each.

And of course, what Valentine’s Day would be complete without the classic Inflatable Spouse. Priced at just $8.95 each, these plastic alternatives will never cheat on you, overdraw your checking account, or get fat. Of course, conversation will likely be kept to a minimum (I’ve heard that’s often thought of as preferable).

Shipping is free with a $59 purchase and there’s a free wacky gift with every $20 purchase.

Well, if you concur, don’t hesitate in joining Grateful Palate’s Bacon of the Month Club! Not only will you get a delicious, new artisan bacon delivered to your door every month, but you’ll also receive a bacon-inspired t-shirt, ballpoint pen, toy pig, as well as a monthly recipe and comic strip. Get one package delivered each month for just $150 ($12.50 per month) or two for $225 ($18.75 per month).

Handmade in the Netherlands, Chocobama and Sugar-Cane are crafted from fine Belgian chocolate. Choose from either dark, milk, or white chocolate ranging in price from $25.64 to $38.47 (converted from the Euro).

Conjuring up puns like ‘Getting Beaujolaid,’ ‘Pinot Envy,’ and ‘Merlot Down, Dirty Shame,’ this novelty corkscrew is now at Overstock for $29.99. Or, pair it with the ever popular Hillary Nutcracker in the Billary Clinton Kitchen Tool Combo Set for $54.99. Shipping adds $2.95 with no sales tax (except UT).

And, as we are equal-opportunity offenders, also be sure to check out the Bush Countdown Clock (not much longer now) and the bi-partisan Political Firestarters.

Providing a fun and interactive potty training experience, the Jack Potty Chair has built-in sensors, which reward your child’s ’success’ with lights, sounds, and spinning shapes. They can also trigger the bells and whistles with a simple pull on the chair’s arm, preparing them for later in life, when real slot machines only net them crap.

The Jack Potty Chair is currently available at Overstock for just $33.49. Shipping adds $2.95 with no sales tax

Oh, you don’t have one? Well, Firebox.com has the stainless steel BBQ Sword on sale for just $29.95. It even comes with the pictured cut-out mask, in case you care to keep your identity secret (from your neighbors) while using this graceful, but deadly instrument. Shipping adds $7.95, but there’s no tax (except PA).

Are you a deep sleeper? Have you ever overslept and missed something incredibly important? Did it haunt you, preventing you from sleeping restfully for months? Maybe you need to take some drastic measures.

While it might cause some new stresses in your life, you’ll never have to worry about oversleeping again with the Sonic Bomb Alarm Clock! This morning menace will blast you out of bed with up to 113 decibels of volume and an included vibrating bed shaker to position under your mattress (113 decibels is the max volume and it’s not recommended; it’s around the same volume as a jackhammer). ThinkGeek currently has it for $39.99, before $5 off $25 coupon code 8EBB (expires 9/30) lowers it to $34.99. Shipping adds $8.95.

One thing you can count on, however, is that if you see one of these Wedding Cake Toppers adorning the cake, someone in attendance probably has a shotgun in their car (quite possibly the bride or groom), and may want to kick off the reception with a bang.

These Wedding Cake Decorations for the avid sportsman or sportswoman are now available at APicturePerfectWedding.com for $75. Choose between deer hunter, goose hunter, duck hunter (pictured), or plain-old hunter, in either white or ivory. Plus, you can add hunting hats and camouflage (and really, why wouldn’t you?) for just $10 each, as well as put a gun in the bride’s hands for $8 (it’s her wedding too, she deserves it). Shipping adds $13.99.

Get them a trip to the site of the worst environmental disaster in recorded human history, Chernobyl! SAM Travel now offers tours of the infamous Ukrainian nuclear plant that experienced a meltdown of enormous proportions over 20 years ago. On the tour, you’ll be escorted from Kiev to the descending zones surrounding Chernobyl: the exclusion zone, the estrangement zone, and the 10km zone directly outside of the plant. You’ll also get to see surrounding ghost towns, the so-called Red Forest (which changed color after the accident), and more.

SAM Travel offers these 10-hour Chernobyl tours (with both English and Russian-speaking tour guides) at descending price points based on the size of your party: one person for $538, two for $280 per traveler, three is $213 per traveler, four is $165 per person, etc. The tour includes lunch.  Let’s hope three-eyed fish is not the special of the day.

These are currently available at ThinkGeek.com for $74.99, before $10 off $50 coupon code 8EBB lowers that price to $64.99. There are three sets available: Classic Super Mario Bros. (pictured), Donkey Kong, or New Mario Bros. Each set includes three 26′ x 40′ sheets of restickable vinyl decals. Shipping starts around $9.

The Flaming Footbag is pretty self-explanatory. It’s a hacky sack made of Kevlar armor which you then soak in kerosene, light on fire, and kick around with your pals. Freedom Footbags has them for $24.99 each (shipping adds $4 more). Be sure to check out the demonstration here. Oh, and be careful, too.

X-Treme Geek now has these Pick Your Nose Party Cups on sale for only $7.99, plus around $7 shipping. Each package comes with 24 disposable cups featuring 12 different noses. While not all of them are Cyrano sized, all of them offer the possibility to briefly step into a new face without rhinoplasty and say, ‘who nose?’

The lightly scented soaps, made from goat’s milk and vegetable glycerin, appear to resemble doll hands (perhaps even children’s hands), which can certainly add a distinct accent to your loo. They come in a decorative bag in sets of at least 10 individual soaps.

Foliage currently has this set on sale for only $17. Shipping adds $4. Everyone, give yourselves a hand for reading this entire post!

Available direct from The Rolling Stones Official Store, these trays are just $10 each. Featuring the signature Stones tongue, these make eight ice cubes each. Shipping starts, creepily, at $6.66.